How do I control others during Coronavirus?

“Sometimes you have to let it go”

London was feeling trapped in her house due to the Coronavirus pandemic. She finally dared to go outside, dutifully wearing her mask as recommended by the state governor. It was a GLORIOUS day, and she felt such relief to be outside. As she walked with her dog, she took several deep breaths: the fresh air was so healing! She felt peace descending upon her. 

As she rounded the corner, her attention suddenly swung to a runner who was “huffing” towards her. He was sweaty, and not wearing a mask. She felt a surge of fear. OH NO! She thought. Why is he not wearing a mask?

London’s dog suddenly decided to “do his business”! She pulled quickly but gently, on his leash. He wouldn’t budge! She pulled harder; now in a panic. The runner kept surging towards her, unstoppable, as if she and her dog did not exist. Her mind was racing: she thought “maybe I should yell at him to move away”; but she didn’t want to seem paranoid. Instead, she held her breath and turned her head away as he passed. She immediately started to worry: did he pass far enough away, did he have Coronavirus? She imagined worst case scenarios, and fast forwarded to her untimely death. She was terrified and her walk was ruined!

London’s experience highlights the human experience when faced with uncertainty, a lack of control, and an invisible and deadly threat. Her reaction was one of intense emotional alarm because her brain believed she was in a life threatening situation. What she does next is likely to be quick, impulsive, and survival-based. Fight or flight! 

Some people will respond by yelling at the runner. Others may decide unconsciously to take control; by angrily planning what they were going to tell their friends on social media. Almost everybody will take the remainder of their walk inside their head, fearful and angry; instead of in nature. Most. people will arrive home feeling overwhelmed and exhausted; but not refreshed.

So what can we do?

STOP RIGHT THERE! REWIND!

As soon as you feel the emotional surge; remind yourself that this is a heightened reaction to the circumstances of the Coronavirus pandemic; and that chances are very high that you are “safe and uninfected”. Remind yourself that you cannot control other people, but you can control how you respond them. 

Focus back to your original goal, and what is around you. Focus back on your walk. Get grounded!

HOW? Look around. SEE where you are. Let your eyes fall on something, name it, and REALLY see it. Take a deep breath as you look at it. Let your eyes fall on another thing, name it, really see it, take another deep breath. Look up and around: Name and see, three more things.

If you find your mind shifting back to the runner (or other upsetting things), then imagine your thoughts floating away away…..no judgement; just floating away…..then gently focus back on your surroundings.

FEELING is next. Physical touch. What does it feel like as your feet move along the ground? Can you feel the air against your cheeks? Name three more things you feel (your hair, clothes, leash, arms).

Finally, HEAR. Really notice what you hear in all the space around you.

Do those things until you are at peace again. Enjoying the beautiful day.

You took back your control, and improved the moment using your senses.

Let the feelings linger when you get home. Instead of social media, do something nice for yourself. These are stressful times, and you deserve it.